Shopping Trip
A husband was with his wife when she decided to buy something for their
daughter-in-law at an exclusive lingerie shop. Inside, the husband was
feeling very out of place when a beautiful clerk asked if she could help him.
In a cocky manner, he asked, "Where are all the men's clothes?" In a
demure voice the clerk replied, "All of these clothes are for men, sir."
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Senior Driver
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please
be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!"
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Computers Vs Cars
Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He
decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors.
The comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with
computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a
V-32 instead of a V-8, & it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour.
Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a
thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new
car would be less than $50. In response to all this goading,
GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes
twice a day?
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A Good Dentist
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he
arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had
forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth. " The man said,
"No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of
false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man
then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and
responded, "Too tight."
The man was no t taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of
false teeth...try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his
address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man
who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is
your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue.."
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