May I Speak To Your Mother?
A door-to-door salesman calls a house and a little boy answers the phone whispering "Hello?" "Yes" the salesman says, "May I speak to your Mother?" "No" says the boy still whispering "She is busy" "OK may I speak to your Father" "No, he's busy too." "Well is there anybody else there? asks the salesman "Yes." The boy whispers, "There are 5 cops and 15 firemen." " Well son, let me speak to one of the cops. "I can't", says the boy, "they are all busy." "Ok, how about one of the firemen ?" "No" the boy whispers, "they are all busy." "What the hell are they doing?" asks the salesman "Well", the boy whispers "right now they're looking for me."
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ATough Call
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."
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A Visit To The Zoo
Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his mother. They go to the elephant exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is taking a leak. Johnny points to the pachyderm’s privates and says, "Mommy, what’s that?" Mommy, seeing the huge member, turns bright red and says, "Oh, that’s nothing. Never mind. Come along now." A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with his father. Johnny grabs his dad by the hand, and pulls him over the elephants, saying he has a question. Once there, Johnny points to the elephant’s member and says, "Daddy, what’s that?" Dad replies, "Didn’t your mother tel you?" "Yes, she told me it was nothing." "Well, your mom is spoiled, son."
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Car Names Explained
AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW - Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Bimbette Motor Weapon
Break My Window
BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
CHEVROLET- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine
Technology
DODGE- Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
DODGE- Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dead or Dying Gas Eater
Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express
FIAT- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!
FORD- First On Recall Day
First On Race Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
Found On Russian Dump
GM- General Maintenance
Great Mistake
GMC- Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?
HONDA- Had One Never Did Again
HYUNDAI- Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
MAZDA- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE- Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late
Everywhere Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's
Irregular Leftover Equipment
PINTO- put in new transmission often
PONTIAC- poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac
SAAB - Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
Sorry Arsed Auto Builders
TOYOTA- Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO- Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners
VW-Virtually Worthless
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